When I started doing Marriage Counseling in Chestnut Hill and Fort Washington, PA,, the norm was that wives dragged their husbands to couples therapy. Over the past several years, the opposite has been my experience. In fact, husbands initiate the call for counseling with me in about 90% of situations.
Something has changed. Perhaps men are more willing to ask for coaching, counseling, or a consultation or women are more independent and therefore can more readily buy into the notion or illusion that a divorce can bring happiness. If children are involved, I really feel one must be able to look them in the eye and say the parents have “tried everything”.
So I liken it to selling your car when it’s not running without first going to a mechanic to see what can be done to repair the problem. Sometime the mechanic sees things you don’t as an untrained owner. Sometimes there are major issues to fix while other times you may be surprised to discover that a few smaller changes can have a big impact. Once that part is done, as the owner you need to practice ways to maintain the vehicle so it continues to run smoothly. You would not go in and pull the car off the lot before first trying to fix it.
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A commitment made when things are at their best gets tested when things are at their worst.
Through Marriage Counseling in my offices in Lower Gwynedd and Chestnut Hill, PA near Lafayette Hill and Blue Bell, I’ve seen countless couples come back from the brink of unhappiness and intense dissatisfaction with their marriage.
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What we sometimes overlook is that relationships form a pattern and both parties can often create a dynamic or interaction that is not working. Often it’s the pattern or relationship that needs to change as much as each individual’s contribution to the issues.
Marriage Counseling experts know that all marriages go through periods of tension, disillusionment, disappointment, and questioning if relationships are worth the work. All of them. Some couples stay stuck there while others see that as an opportunity to finally get help and work through these issues to restore and reinvigorate the relationship. It often seems hopeless at that point.
But my experience is that what feels hopeless at the low point is a result of feeling like you are going in circles waiting for change as if it will miraculously appear.
Marriage Counseling is hard work. Yes that’s true. But know that you and your family are worth it.
Deb Owens is a Licensed Counselor and Relationship Coach in Chestnut Hill and Montgomery County, PA near Lafayette Hill and Jenkintown.
